I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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