just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
