i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
