I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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