Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
