Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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