Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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