I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
