If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize