Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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