is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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