Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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