i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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