WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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