i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
