why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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