A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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