Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
