I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
