I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
