god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
