you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
