They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize