you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
