you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
