i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
