When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
