Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
