Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
