Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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