I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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