wakey wakey hands off snakey
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
