Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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