My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
