My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
