youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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