I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize