When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
