I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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