Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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