I CAN MOONWALK!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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