She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
