I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
two words: eviction party
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
