and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
