so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
