i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
