if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
