I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
