You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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