Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
