I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize