So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
