so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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