Welp...herpes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize