you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize