I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no you cant smoke seaweed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
