No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it penis luge time yet?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
