you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
