Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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