well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
