once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
