There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize