Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
