I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
