Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
