im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Even my vagina gasped.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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