I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
