I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize