he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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