Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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